Mother's Day and Father's Day can stir up a range of emotions for families caring for someone living with Alzheimer's disease or a related form of dementia.
These special days may bring back joyful memories, but they can also shine a light on what has changed. If you've ever wondered whether you should even acknowledge the holiday or how to make your interaction meaningful when they may not remember you've visited, you're not alone.
Create Moments that Matter, Even When Memories Fade
For caregivers and family members caring for someone living with memory loss, it can be challenging to encourage significant interactions, especially during traditionally festive occasions. We're sharing compassionate strategies to help families create moments of love, connection, and presence, for themselves and the person they care for, no matter where they are on their memory loss journey.
Meaningful Moments, New Celebrations
Holidays don't need to be full of tradition to be meaningful. A simple visit, a shared snack, and a quiet moment holding hands can speak volumes. Focus on what brings comfort and joy right now and allow yourself the freedom to redefine what a successful and celebratory visit looks like.
Consider how to incorporate pleasing sensory experiences that don't require recall. Play familiar music, offer a favorite flower to smell, or look through old photos together. Use gentle prompts to spark emotional connection without needing memory or even conversation. A short, peaceful visit can mark the occasion for you and still bring them comfort through kindness.
Meet Them Where They Are
Your loved one may not realize it's Mother's Day or Father's Day - or they may believe the day is about their own parent, rather than their role as a parent. It's important to prepare yourself for this possibility and accept that it's okay. Step into their world with curiosity and care.
If they mention their own mother, you might say: "Your mother sounds special - what was she like?"
If they seem confused about your visit, you might say: "I love being here with you today."
This approach is grounded in the Validation Method, which encourages caregivers to affirm feelings over facts, to accept that all behavior has meaning, and to appreciate that multiple realities can exist simultaneously for someone with memory loss.
Rather than correcting or challenging what your loved one believes, validation helps to maintain their dignity and encourages connection on an emotional level. It's not about being "right" - it's about being present.
Maya Angelou's quote about being present is an excellent reminder: "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."
Communication Strategies for a Successful Visit
When visiting someone living with memory loss, how we connect matters much more than what we say. A warm smile, a calm tone, and a gentle presence speak volumes. Here are a few communication tips to keep in mind as you prepare:
- Be present. Sit at eye level, offer a soft greeting, and give your loved one a chance to settle into the moment with you. Say less.
- Keep it simple. Speak clearly and slowly. Share one idea at a time and allow extra time for them to process and respond- waiting as long as 15 seconds. Acknowledge in your mind that they may not respond appropriately and listen actively when they do.
- Match their energy. Mirror their tone and body language.
- Avoid correcting or quizzing. Remove phrases like "Don't you remember?" from you vocabulary. Instead, focus on feelings. If they share something that's not accurate, go with their version of reality - it's real to them, which is what matters most.
- Use cues from the past. Familiar phrases, favorite songs, the mention of fondly remembered places, or treasured family anecdotes can spark connection. Bringing a flower, a card, or a cherished photo may open doors to memory and emotion.
- Prepare others gently. If you're visiting as a group, share these tips in advance. Encourage everyone to speak kindly, stay flexible, and follow your loved one's lead. Remind everyone that short, sweet interactions can be deeply meaningful.
Small shifts in communication help create a sense of safety and love, feelings which last far beyond the moment. Even if words fade, the feeling of being seen and supported often lingers.
Caring for Yourself, Too
These holidays may be difficult for you as well. Give yourself grace for any guilt, grief, or sadness that you may feel while trying to create a positive experience. It's normal to feel love, nostalgia, and sadness at once.
Before your visit, take time to center yourself. Breathe. Remind yourself that being there - being calm, open, and kind - is enough. Visualize a peaceful visit without dwelling on what could go wrong. Afterward take time to reflect. Journal about what felt good and what memories came forward, and allow yourself to release what didn't go as planned.
